FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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