Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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