i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
