I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will pee on everything he values.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
