her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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