It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
