How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
