Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
