Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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