you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
