We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
