I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
