After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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