the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
