how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
