I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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