I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
