Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
