Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
