Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my vagina is haunted
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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