I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
