Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
