Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
