well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize