you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
