He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize