i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
