Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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