Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
