The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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