I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
