how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
