Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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