I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Congratulations! We have a period
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