When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
