Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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