Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
