i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
