he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
