i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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