As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
