I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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