Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
