i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
