I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
