Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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