I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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