She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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