We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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