Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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