if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
