im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize