last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Mom said you looked used
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
