he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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