Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize