I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
