so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
