i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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