Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
