just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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