Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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