not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
