The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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