Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
