So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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