...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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