It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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