I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
