haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
