What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
