I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
