okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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