So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
